Seeds and Roots/ Poison

a vile poison is released from your tooth as my flesh peels open giving you entry

the thick black tar engulfs my nerves until the soft pink underbelly can’t be seen

the cells rush to the infected area in an effort to alleviate the damage

to preserve 

to save what’s left

the attempt is futile

in the span of a week my skeleton is the only recognizable feature 

the inside down to the core are a viscus liquid 

i stare in the mirror at a face i no longer recognize

at a body as withered as the inner world it holds

i believed her antidote would cure me

i believed it to be strong enough to remove the remnants of hate and doubt you left

i believed her words to wash over my tainted heart and bring back its life

only she told me she loved me 

and i couldn’t believe her 

only she told me i’m still myself

and i could no longer remember who that was 

only she told me i was kind 

and i called her a liar 

only she can’t cure me

because your poison has no cure

i was bitten as a child

before my immune system could defend itself 

my senses changed and my pupils shrunk 

a resistance began to form 

only the antibodies i produced are weak to the force you placed inside of me

on night nine i cursed my own name 

on night ten i asked why he made me

on night eleven i didn’t care if i lived or died 

on night twelve i feared the night before 

on night thirteen my cheeks got hot, why

on night fourteen my blood was cold

on night fifteen my life. was no longer my own 

sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me

this is a lie

your words were poison 

your words were an orange potion that you knew could kill

that was your intent i believe 

whether conscious or not

i drank it, naively, i trusted you

why shouldn’t i 

this potion transported your diseased seeds into the caverns of my heart and they grew

and they spread 

until the garden that was once there was uninhabitable

an invasive species desecrating the land of green that once thrived

my bones are in tact but the seeds you left are slowly killing me

lay flowers in the ribs that protrude through my skin when my body returns to the dirt you made me from 

to care for my serpent 

it’s too easy to assign blame 

for the poison you gave me i swallowed on my own accord

the seedlings you planted i watered to maturity

i am an accomplice to my own murder 

it is nearly day 30. and the heart she once knew is gone. the one she helped turn into something she could love.  replaced with the one you helped me create. a bulbous and pulsating mass of black. and as the roots burrow deeper into every cavity, i lay still. waiting for the roots to sprout from my ears and the air to leave my lungs one final time. so my pain may end and the heart that i once knew may break one final time.