I never had something to live for

Let me start that over

i’ve always had something to live for 

dreams

goals

plans

hopes

but someone

that’s a big difference

living for something and for someone are very different things 

i loved only got myself and that meant living for my ambitions

living for the things that would give me happiness, i believed 

my career 

my passions 

these things that fueled my life source 

and then came you

and then came this extension of myself

this person who illuminated the world around me and changed the way i viewed the world

the way i viewed myself

i was always terrified of death 

i couldn’t imagine losing people i loved without tearing up and feeling as if my lungs were collapsing in on themselves, it still happens to this day

this fear has always lived inside of me 

and it exists still

only it’s shifted

now it’s me who wants to live for you

not just live. thrive 

i could never leave you here alone

i could never put you in a situation where you fear losing me 

suddenly my health is the most important thing in the world 

suddenly my mental stability outweighs my obligations 

suddenly my life is not just mine 

now it is ours

you made me a hypochondriac 

you made me look both ways before crossing the street

you made me drink three bottles of water for every one drink

you made me calculate my sleep schedule

you made me treat myself as someone i love 

you gave me someone to live for 

my reason for living is to love you

my passion and dreams fuel the life source that is able to do that

they’re both needed to sustain the other

loving you gives me life 

and that life is shared with the world 

so i schedule doctors appointments

i brush my teeth twice a day

i make sure to get the proper intake of vegetables 

because if i die, i’ll never get to hold you again 

and that, is far more terrifying than death ever was.